Biggest mistake

Not so long ago i was crying , whining ; cussing love , remorseful for falling in love . Until i whiped my tears and thought what went wrong , is there something wrong with me ? why isn’t god showing mercy apon my heart ? . What did i do wrong ? . I’m tired , I’m drained , i can’t do this love thing anymore . Even when I’m in a relationship i feel lonely . I prayed and heard voices in my head saying you made the biggest mistake let me free you from it . There is nothing wrong with you ; you are a good person and you try .For every bad you do a ton of good so I’m here to save you before you loose you for the wrong reasons . My thoughts got disturbed i tried replaying what the voices in my head had told me and i remembered . I asked my self what mistake … no answer i asked my self again still no answer . I sent a text to my friends asking them to tell me anything they know about love . The replies were funny , mostly cussing love , supporting on each other with I’m no longer falling inlove again its a trap , free trip to pain . I asked my self why though they such good people and they look nice on an eye sight . In the mist of that though i realised I FELL IN LOVE FOR THE WRONG REASONS . I fought my self with that saying no its was love i was in love , i was really in love . The voice came back in my head and said if it was really love you wouldn’t be hurting but rejoicing you found love and you in love ; but … . No . The voice repeated ; You fell in love for the wrong reasons . That’s why you hurting now . I shuffled on the bed feeling so annoyed and distracted . Well i tried to analyze what the voice in my head has proposed to my mind .

I’ll admit it and say Yes ; I fell in love for the wrong reasons . I captured all the reasons and they as follow :.

:Cause the guy was good looking , monied.

:I wanted attention .

:I wanted someone I’ll blame , pick fights with , be petty .

:Pass time .

:Use them as a rebound to cover up the wounds i had from a past relationship that got toxic cause we were both in it for the wrong reasons .

There is a lot more even minor things drove me to fall inlove with someone . By me wanting attention even when someone showed the slightest effort i fell for it and got hurt from it . At the same time i don’t blame my self for all that has happened to me , I’m just happy i finally found out what’s wrong with me as much as i never did damage to any guys hearts . I’ve analyzed things by criticizing me in order to better me .

So i thought let me share this it is very important to acknowledge the real reasons to why you in love with your partner . Is it more for you than it is for them ; is it for the right reasons or wrong reasons . Somethings can be justified by ones mind , think carefully cause you might think you doing right and give in your all only to find out you played your self you forced your self in a relationship that wasn’t meant to be from the first place then you blame your self .

#Always trust the voices in your head and your gut feeling , in the beginning of every relationship it told me this is not the one and it wont be fun now run , but I didn’t listen so i gave in more energy to sustain it cause my mind was battling with my heart every minute of the day . My mind understood the correlation between wrong and right ; but my heart wanted to love and take wrong and make it right . Which is so draining and every time I try i felt like i was failing .

#Love month.

#Like , Comment , follow .

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Suffering Romance

There is no end for this suffering i feel inside , because of romance . I suppose i found romance but couldn’t wait to escape the feeling of that romance . It pushed me to a dark room everything was so gloom inside . With little to no hope that the darkness will subside . Is this how romance is ? , If so I’m suffering from romance . Free me from this romance , free me ; since you say romance is romantic it cares your soul and ease the heart , but my heart is suffering from romance . This doesn’t feel like romance , it tarnishing the heart and abandons the needs of my soul ; made me feel so worthless left me with nothing but remorse ; sadness and this madness that keep me so busy thinking what’s wrong me , why romance is doing this to me . I thought romance would heal me , but seemingly romance is killing me . Romance why you doing this to me . I’m suffering from you still begging you set me free . I cannot set my self free . Romance i said set me free cause i cannot set me free . I’ll learn to love me and be romantic to me . Romance please set me free .

#Suffering from romance !.

#Love month .

#Bad romance .

#Comment like and follow .

#Be part of Sufferwrites .

3am Thoughts

It midnight and my sleep had been disturbed . I’m trying to go back to sleep again but i can’t , so i rolled over to my phone . To check what time is it ; if i can use my night owl data to stream music . 3 minutes later , i got distracted ;then found my self thinking about what i need and want in life regarding relationships .So i answered myself … I need a lover or a Friend that will surrender their soul & heart to me , without losing themselves . That will forever be trying to fully comprehend the meaning of love , loyalty and trust cause those are the finest and most rare things in life . That will understand the correlation between respect and fear , Love and lust , Security and being secured . Givings and praising is a must , that will sweep me from the dust with no tip for tally i know you ain’t no Ghandi , i never read the bible but i know there is a sripture that says “Love counts no favours” . How dare you say you love me , but your actions be of I’m doing you a favour . How dare you say you supportive and you care about me when you expecting something in return , from me ? But i think … .The biggest question is would you stay besides me would you confide in me . Would you stay with me to see the finest things in life ; They only 3 :Life , Love , Laughter . That what i derserve since thats what I’ll give out.

Midnights thoughts #Sufferwrites .
Emotions on text

#Longing for only unconditional love cause mines is not of conditions .

#Be true to your heart love with your all , god will acknowledge your purity and save you .

#I pray for love .

#Love month , love concept .

—-Any grammatic errors will update when im awake ,Its the emotions that take over—-

Sunday session

Woke up this Sunday turned to this new book i bought a few days ago , titled “By the river Piedra i sat down & wept” By Paulo Coelho . He said something that really touched me and i would like to share it as a gift from me to you this Sunday . He said … “We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen . Every day God gives us the sun – and also one moment in which we have the ability to change everything that makes us unhappy . Every day , we try to pretend that we haven’t perceived that moment , that it doesn’t exist – that today is the same as yesterday and will be the same as tomorrow . But if people really pay attention to their everday lives , they will discover that magic moment . It may arrive in the instant when we are doing something mundane , like putting our front door key in the lock ; it may lie hidden in the quiet that follows the lunch hour or in the thousand and one things that all seem the same to us .But that moment exist – a moment when all the power of the stars becomes a part of us and enables us to perform miracles . Joy is sometimes a blessings , but it is often a conquest . Our magic moment helps us to change and send us off in search of our dreams . Yes , we are going to suffer , we will have difficult times , and we will experience many disappointments – but all of this is transitory ; it leaves no permanent mark . And one day we will look back with pride and faith at our journey we have taken . Pitiful is the person who is afraid of taking risks . Perhaps this person will never be dissapointed or disillusioned ; perhaps she wont suffer the way people do when they have a dream to follow . But when that person looks back – and at some point everyone looks back – she will hear her heart saying , “What have you done with the miracles that God planted in your days ? What have you done with the talents God bestowed on you ? You buried yourself in a case because you were fearful of losing those talents . So this is your heritage : the certainty thats you wasted your life . Pitiful are the people who must realize this . Because when they are finally able to believe in miracles , their life’s magic moments will have already passed them by”.

#Page 8 & 9.

#This sunday , make the most of it !

#Good reads.

#Feeling blessed .

#Give , love , share .

#Coment , like , Follow .

Real love

It’s the first of February , most lovers out there are excited and also looking foward to the 14 of February . So i can confidently call it love or lovers month . Despite this war going on social media about women hijacking Valentine’s day by feeling entitled to be the ones cherished and spoiled that day . I think lovers should keep it mutual so ladies spoil your partners too . Although i personally believe that lovers should cherish one another everday .Not use Valentine’s day as an excuse to go big , everybody deserves a little more everyday not just once a year , and if its real and true love it should always come effortlessly . Well this wasn’t about Valentine’s day its about real love . Real love to me is the kind of love everyone needs to fulfill their life , soul , mind and heart . Real love can be from any type of relationship (Family , friends , work colleagues ) .Real love is true love it’s the kind of love you cannot deny the kind of love your gut feeling says its right to be kept and felt . No words or action can change real love for example a person you really love does something horrible to you , you may or may not find it in your heart to forgive them fully to get back with that person but you can still stay inlove with them . It’s funny what real love can do to you ; also what it can make you do . Love is to surrender ,to let your partner take care of your emotions and happiness . In times like these (this century) its virtual to everyone real love has changed rapidly and it meaning has been misunderstood . Only a few pay attention or try to fully comprehend it meaning . Love is the most precious feeling in life expecially real love that practice godly acts . Real love dont give up , lust give up , love gives , love fills up , lust takes , love heals , lust breaks .

#Lets bring back real love lets try everyday to fully understand real love to acknowledge it when you receive it .

#Lets teach each other more about love .

#I would go on but have a whole month too …

#Cherish , respect , worship love!

#My opinion , dedicate this whole month to love .

#My expectations in love .

#Add your opinion @Comment .

Breenys channel

Breeny lee a whole bag of confidence and positivity .A rare soul . Okay let me rewind 2 weeks ago i woke up to a messages from my Aunt . It was a link to Breeny’s channel on uTube at first i was so attracted by her hair and make up game , 5 min later i was checking which episode to watch first . I clicked on “I fell in love with a narcissist! Help!” . I was so moved and amused by how she elaborated a narcissist and how one can pick up or point out narcissistic traits . It was just more than what i needed to know for 2019 to get rid of such people who are narcissist . They drain out your energy make you feel like you not enough , you don’t do enough #they just never satisfied .

#CAN I JUST SAY I’M SAVED.

(From negativity , from tolerating pain , and being boujee).

S/O BREENY’S CHANNEL.

I love her free spirit , everything just flows . She fills you in with what ever she can fill you up on about life , in every angle she can , also accept questions , inspires one to keep learning and exploring what life brings , in addition with what you can bring in life also to life . I love how she speaks about her flaws and how she tries to acknowledge them and work on them including God in everything she does . It’s her human part that touched me speaking about things that not many would speak about . Things you not taught by your parents or at school .

You should have friends and not enablers . Breeny and Amina #Their videos kill me 😂. I love Amina’s style.

A whole goddess . Be your own , make your own . No path is better than yours .Instagram@Brenny lee , UTube channel@Breenylee She is also a blogger #Breeny lee.

She has played a major role to how i respond to somethings i related to her cause she is more like me so it was easy to take in and empathise with her episodes on her uTube channel .

#Watch

#Wine .

#popcorn .

#A whole weekend mood .

Night times

When the sun goes out of sight you know it the night time . When you lay down on your bed and critically analyse things . It always feel like the right time . To understand the correlation between what’s right and wrong . I guess the night’s are long enough for such discussions with your self . When you feel no pressure to be moving , when you feel enabled to sit still and let your mind travel . Let your thoughts take control of the moment ; enroll righteous and sweet thoughts for a beautiful dream . As dark as it seem . There is still light in the night time cause you can still see the world clearly in the night time .

#Good or bad days there is still hope.

#Night times are an example of hope.

#Good night .

#Its a good night for me.

#@Time zones !.

#The night times are the best times for me to think .